Fifteen

Last night, I cried, for several hours. I'm an overthinker, and I cannot get over broken trust from the past. 

Dear Anyone, 

How do you move forward,

with the crippling anxiety, 

the sleepless nights, 

wanting to scream so hard but it comes out silent,

scared to close my eyes because I'm haunted by nightmares,

suffocating, 

I'm drowning,

I want to disappear. 

How do you move forward, 

when all you see when you look in the mirror is, 

Not enough, 

Not skinny enough,

Not pretty enough,

when all I see is, 

an asian girl, his type, 

a reddit post, #hotasiangirl, 

a facebook page, asian pretty girls

what makes Me any different? 

How do you move forward, 

when I have never loved anyone as much as I love him,

I see an entire future built with him, and yet, 

I also see the habits of my past lover in him, 

forcing its way between us, a disease, infectious, 

I'm hooked, like a drug, 

Toxic. 

I. am.

So,

Dear Anyone, 

please, tell me how to be stronger,

how to move forward,

how to be Happy.