​The sad thing is, you’re not enough for me. You can’t love me the way that I want you to. You don’t know how to love me, with all my cuts and bruises. 

And yes, I know you love me, and the time we spend together, and the way I make you feel. But you don’t love me. 

Who is me? Do I even know? What I do know is that I’m really fucking lonely. Kinda hit me today that I don’t actually have anyone who really cares about me. I think, he was the only one. 

But it’s not their fault. I’m the one with all these dents and edges. I mean, I don’t even understand my own mind so how can I expect anyone else to?

I want to get better. I’m literally a breathing zombie, who occasionally goes to the gym because…gains. Otherwise I’m cooped up in my room playing video games ALL. FUCKING. DAY. LONG. And at night, I lay awake in bed crying for absolutely no fucking reason at all. Oh yeah, melatonin? Doesn’t work for shit. 

I need to get better so that I can feel like you actually care. I’ll stop feeling disappointed every time you don’t do the unreasonable shit I ask you to do for me. I’ll stop arguing with you over the pettiest of things. And I’ll stop suffocating you by asking for your constant attention. 

When will it get better? When will I heal from losing the only person I felt who truly cared about me? Who I could tell anything to. Who I trusted with everything. Who was there for me whenever I needed. Who was my support system. 

Why the fuck did you throw our friendship away? Or technically, did I throw it away? Anyways, life fucking sucks without you. But you gave me no choice. 

Maybe it’s the universe’s way of telling me that I need to be my own support system. I can’t keep relying on others to get my shit together. 

The question is: can I do it? Alone?