Unsent Messages 1.0
2:58am //
You wanted to know if I’m mad? Yeah, I’m mad. I’m mad at myself for making you feel doubtful and uncomfortable. But more than that, I feel hurt, again. And I’m tired of it. And I’m lying here, with tears in my eyes, scrolling down through every damn photo we’ve ever taken together and comparing them to the one stupid photo *** took of me and him and posted it. You think we look more like a couple? Are you joking? Are you trying to guilt trip me? So here I am thinking that every single photo we’ve ever taken until now are just photos between what to you…friends? Strangers? We don’t look like a couple enough to you in our photos? Well, if you’re so convinced that I’d rather be with someone else than be with you then maybe it should be that way because it sure as hell sounds like you want it to be that way. What do you gain from pushing me away like this anyways? You’re really selfish in this way you know that? Do you even try to think about how much I care for you? I love you. I want to fucking spend the rest of my life with you. I’d rather die than to not have you in my life. Why can’t you understand that? I’m sorry that I’m ranting but I’m super fucking stressed and super fucking upset right now. you know how many nights I’ve stayed up talking with my friends about life and love and relationships and every time I talk about you, think about you, I am complete. Sometimes I really think that all you do is speak to me with words while I’m here looking at you with feelings. Have I not proved myself enough to show that I care? but if you keep thinking that you deserve nothing or whatever it is that you are so skeptical and pessimistic about, you will get nothing. Because all you’re doing right now is pushing me away and hurting me. Sorry, but that’s the truth right now. I am hurt. And I don’t know how much more I am willing to endure and make excuses for why I am hurt. Frankly, this is mildly toxic for me. The reason for why I don’t tell you a lot of things most of the time is because I care too much about you and I don’t want you to worry and overthink like you normally do. If I were to tell you half the shit that I feel, it would backfire. No doubt. And I don’t want to risk that. And I can understand if you don’t understand my reasoning for showing how much I care but you need to. I want you to go through and do what I am doing right now and look at all the photos we’ve ever taken together, heck, I will send them all to you and I dare you to say to me one more time that I don’t look happy or we don’t look like a couple or I deserve someone else or I would feel better being with someone else because if you really think that way then this isn’t a healthy relationship because that negative way of looking at us is unhealthy.
You wanted to know if I’m mad? Yeah, I’m mad. I’m mad at myself for making you feel doubtful and uncomfortable. But more than that, I feel hurt, again. And I’m tired of it. And I’m lying here, with tears in my eyes, scrolling down through every damn photo we’ve ever taken together and comparing them to the one stupid photo *** took of me and him and posted it. You think we look more like a couple? Are you joking? Are you trying to guilt trip me? So here I am thinking that every single photo we’ve ever taken until now are just photos between what to you…friends? Strangers? We don’t look like a couple enough to you in our photos? Well, if you’re so convinced that I’d rather be with someone else than be with you then maybe it should be that way because it sure as hell sounds like you want it to be that way. What do you gain from pushing me away like this anyways? You’re really selfish in this way you know that? Do you even try to think about how much I care for you? I love you. I want to fucking spend the rest of my life with you. I’d rather die than to not have you in my life. Why can’t you understand that? I’m sorry that I’m ranting but I’m super fucking stressed and super fucking upset right now. you know how many nights I’ve stayed up talking with my friends about life and love and relationships and every time I talk about you, think about you, I am complete. Sometimes I really think that all you do is speak to me with words while I’m here looking at you with feelings. Have I not proved myself enough to show that I care? but if you keep thinking that you deserve nothing or whatever it is that you are so skeptical and pessimistic about, you will get nothing. Because all you’re doing right now is pushing me away and hurting me. Sorry, but that’s the truth right now. I am hurt. And I don’t know how much more I am willing to endure and make excuses for why I am hurt. Frankly, this is mildly toxic for me. The reason for why I don’t tell you a lot of things most of the time is because I care too much about you and I don’t want you to worry and overthink like you normally do. If I were to tell you half the shit that I feel, it would backfire. No doubt. And I don’t want to risk that. And I can understand if you don’t understand my reasoning for showing how much I care but you need to. I want you to go through and do what I am doing right now and look at all the photos we’ve ever taken together, heck, I will send them all to you and I dare you to say to me one more time that I don’t look happy or we don’t look like a couple or I deserve someone else or I would feel better being with someone else because if you really think that way then this isn’t a healthy relationship because that negative way of looking at us is unhealthy.
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